Romancing Your Child's Heart

When we speak of Romance, I wonder how many people will actually think about children. But, I think the title of this book nails it to the core of parenting. For the longest time, I was focusing on the wrong thing. I don't mean to blame anybody, but what parents around me tend to focus was on the behaviours of their children. To add on to it, I was raised to be a well behaved child. So, it was only natural for me to follow that path of moulding my children's behaviours to be as perfect as it can be.

Now, thinking back, no wonder it has been a tough journey for me. I struggled so much on the things that shouldn't be the focus of my journey as a parent. As a result, I wasted so much of my precious time with my boys in the past. Although it is not too late, I cannot help but to think what I would have done differently if I could go back to 8 years ago when my first born was still a baby.

Romancing Your Child's Heart is a coaching book, as the author Monte Swan put it, for the parents to come up with their own strategies to win their children's hearts. The key here is "their own strategies". In the past 8 years, I have read many christian parenting books, trying to be equipped as much as possible at the same time desperately seeking for a rescue from what I thought was a sinking boat. Some of them offer great visions that opened up my eyes. Yet, after reading them I was lost in terms of next steps. Ok, I got the idea. I agree. But, what do I do to make it happen? Others offer specific strategies as to what to do when your kids _____________ (fill in the blank). Some of these strategies worked, but not for too long most of the time. And then I was back to scratch in my sinking boat. I always found myself convinced and convicted by the books, but at the same time had an unsettled "I'm not 100% sold" feeling about many of them although I didn't know why. After years of exploring these parenting books, I had the feeling, "Most of them work for average normal kids. But, if you have special kids like I do, I don't think it will work." I came to the conclusion that they are all too simplified. Yes, as Christians, we are working toward our children's obedience. But, along with friends around me, I was too caught up by the idea that every kids should be able to behave (listen and obey right away without a delay) if they were disciplined right. If not, it must be because of your parenting. Without putting in too much thoughts, I blindly believed that there was only one way of raising children.

Since it's been many years since I first read this book, I almost forgot about what it says, but just reading through the first few pages, I already got some insights. So, it's ok to have our own strategies when it comes to raising kids. It's ok that it's different from what my friends do. I felt the pressure been lifted even further. It's such a wonderful feeling to have! For the first time in my 8 years of parenting, I feel like I can be guilt free as to how I am going to raise my children. Nobody gave me any pressure, but I always felt that myself. I was giving pressure to myself in order to get approval from people around me. But, the only Person I have to be accountable to is God. He is the One who has entrusted His precious children to me to care for here on earth. And He has made them so special and unique that I can't follow the formulas that are sold for everyone and anyone out there. They won't work 100%. What I need is a great portion of God's wisdom and the Holy Spirit's guidance, and tremendous amount of time being on my knees interceding on behalf of my children to get that "special recipe" for each one of my boys.

My prayer is that both Ed and I can tackle on this book again, together this time, and work together to come up with our own strategies following the manuals from the Creator Who made our children in order to win their hearts for Christ. Borrowing the author's analogy, the arrows have been taken out, and the bows have been pulled, it's the matter of time for our "arrows" to be released into the world. I want to be sure that when they are released in the near future, it will fly straight into the air hitting the right targets that they were aimed for.