A Whole New Life or Is it Really?

Wow. It's been 4 months since I last posted an entry. What have I been so busy during these last 4 months??? Oh, yeah. I gave birth! Thanks to many caring friends and family's prayers, our little Benjamin came out safe and sound on March 8th at 10:40pm, weighing 7lbs 3oz. (3260g) and 51cm long. The labour was long for the third one (20 hours), but the contractions were well spaced out, which made it a lot easier for me to endure without any medication. The nurses weren't totally convinced that I was in active labour, for I was talking and laughing with them. (Am I an expert by now? :p) As soon as the worst pain of the day hit, Benjamin came out after less than 5 minutes of pushing. He came out so perfectly with a very clean body and face and a perfectly shaped head. In this way, we became parents of 3 that night.

Two and a half months have past since that night, and we are well adjusted to having three boys. Or should I say that we are aware now if one of them is missing. :p These first few months have been challenging to me from time to time. My dear husband had decided to take an promotional exam just 2 weeks after the birth, which means that he was not available due to study before and after the birth. Yes, I have resented him for choosing this probably THE craziest time in our life together so far to take that exam. But, God has His way to correct my attitude and I have learned and grown from this experience, mostly endurance, patience, and forgiveness....(:p) And thankfully, he did pass the exam! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord, for my sacrifice (and Ed's, I guess? :p) was not wasted! I know he chose to take the exam in the craziest time not by his wanting but because he wanted to give us a better life. Thank you, hon for your sleepless week prior to your exam!

Another eventful thing my dear husband has put me through is a week alone with 2 active boys and a physically demanding infant. Yes., I admit, it took me a long time to get over the fact that he would be gone for a week and I won't have any help at all! But, again, once God has shown me the correct attitude to have and I have lifted my situation up to His hands, he has shown me His love and care through friends who came to visit with homemade food and friends who are brave enough to take my boys over for a sleep-over so that I could have a break and some time alone after Ed comes back! I am just so speechless thinking how much they are doing for us!!! Through this experience, I did gain confidence and independence from Ed as God has stretched my limit to the maximum each day. I realized that I have relied on my husband for many things and was fearful of taking any step further to expand my capability of handling things. But, God has again shown me that when I rely on Him, anything is possible. For that, I am very thankful, for this can open the door for me to other possibilities in my life yet to come.

I have "wrestled" with God a lot in the last few months trying to get my ways in many things, one of them being the boys' schooling from September. (will talk about it in a separate blog), but whatever the issue was, the core problem was about my attitude. I wanted to have my own ways. However, He has taught me to submit to Him and my husband. He wants me to learn to trust HIm and Ed. I know one of my problems is to want to have control over everything, which means I can't let go of certain things and am not trusting God 100%. I can see that He is working in this matter in my life right now. As much as I am scared and worried, I want to gear these feelings toward prayers instead. Instead of being scared and worried about "what ifs", I want to use that energy and time to pray.

Seems like more changes will come this year and although I don't know where God is taking us to at the end of the year or at the end of 10 years, what I know is that He is leading us and He is here with us every step we take. That alone is enough.